Navigating the river of life
Love in a Different Way: A Journey Through Dementia
by Liz and David Amaral
Nelson: self-published via Amazon, 2025
$28.10 / 9781834180823
Reviewed by Lee Reid
[Editor’s Note: also presented as a foreword for the book]
*

“You can do this Liz, you promised David.” Liz’s voice.
“It takes an enormous amount of energy to face the Alzheimer’s journey.” David’s voice.
How could an aging woman possibly maintain her stability through 13 years of her husband’s progressive dementia? Some call dementia ‘the long dark.’ Within that darkness, loved ones gradually disappear from life. But not from love. This book is about love. And loss. And life lived before dementia, throughout dementia, and after dementia.
Before I read Liz’s book, I wondered how both Liz and David sourced the strength to navigate the myriad of disconnections caused by dementia. The loneliness, the grief, and, ultimately, his death. Against relentless adversity, they sustained their love. After all, David was her soulmate, father of their 3 children, a capable breadwinner whose career was in nursing. They also shared a deep Christian faith which, in his art, he depicted as a yellow glow. As his dementia grew, so too did his artwork, until he could no longer write or paint. In David’s art, we see radiance shining, sustained within the container of their faith.

Although I did not know Liz or David personally, I knew of them. We all worked within variations of the health care system. Nelson is a fairly isolated mountain community of 10,700+ people in the B.C. interior. Many, like Liz and David, who also worked their farm, enjoyed active pursuits in surrounding mountains, forests and lake. Occasionally, I would see David and Liz walking their sheep dog along the waterfront path. I recognised them, he with his glowing eyes, strong body, and abundant dark hair; her with large blue eyes, rosy cheeks and short white curls. They strode with an athletic grace and synchronicity typical of folks who work and play on their land. Radiant with health and hope, what could possibly affect their happy trajectory?

Dementia!
Author Liz Amaral has transcribed her husband David’s illustrated dementia journals into a compelling and intimate book. Their mission? “I want to give readers hope that love and connection is possible with dementia.” In sharing their vulnerable story, the couple hoped to help others to recognise the early symptoms with dementia, and to seek timely support. Although David died in 2021, his voice and art in their book is as authentic and fresh as is Liz’s story about care-giving for 13 years.
In Canada, 700,000 people are currently diagnosed with dementia. Another 500,000 contend with cognitive decline, but live independently. Dementia can open the heart. It can also reduce a half century of great love to stereotypical roles of suffering patient and suffering caregiver. With dementia, one may expect many separations, letting go’s, and sometimes conflict with spouse or with the limitations in health care.

By age 62, and after years of confusion with a diagnosis of adrenal fatigue, David received a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer’s is a type of dementia. Later, this was amended to frontal-temporal dementia. From age 62 to 64, he chronicled his journey through the erasure of his mind and his identity. Liz commented, “[t]here was no clear end to our losses, just an uncontrollable slide into the unknown..” Their book explores the changes necessary for his physical safety, such as safeguards and schedules on the farm, or activities with safe people who cared. Ultimately, dementia caused increased separateness as David traveled into the world of assisted-living and extended-care facilities during the COVID lockdowns. He depicted their dementia journey as a canoe trip down the river of life. We see David and Liz afloat in a red canoe heading for the frothing waterfall. What saves them? What keeps him afloat? You will find the clues in David’s compelling art work.

Yes, this book is uplifting, frightening, joyous, horrifying, and informative; a testament to a greater destiny or faith than we might feel capable of. Dementia can call out the best and worst in human nature. The shock is that your life can be turned upside down.
Liz promised their book to complete David’s life. Then, through the relentless demands of care-giving, she realised that she had met every setback and every discouraging change with skills that people in her situation needed to know. In part, this book exemplifies the courage, strategies and inventive powers of women, or men, forced to be the main provider. “I do keep my promises,” says Liz, in her characteristic blunt fashion. I know Liz as a gutsy smart woman, a fit and athletic grandmother. Now, she is a damn good writer. I hope that she writes a sequel book to educate caregivers about the demands and gifts of the role. We need skills to navigate the complexities of health care and extended care nursing. We need skills to navigate aging or cognitive decline. This book, this profound journey with David and Liz, shines light and courage to paddle our canoes through the rapids and waterfalls that life delivers.
*

A retired clinician, formerly with Nelson Mental Health, Lee Reid has written books about BC rural and coastal communities. Her stories centre around the values and health care needs of BC seniors. She was recently interviewed by Interior Health about her work with seniors. Lee has also written stories about intergenerational education, rural home support care , trauma, and dementia. Recently, she has written and self-published a fourth book: Stories of Mount Saint Francis Hospital: 1950-2005, which illustrates a legacy of compassionate nursing care in the West Kootenay. Her books are: From a Coastal Kitchen (Hancock House, 1980); Growing Home: The Legacy of Kootenay Elders (Nelson, 2016), reviewed by Duff Sutherland, and Growing Together: Conversations with Seniors and Youth (Nelson, 2018), reviewed by Luanne Armstrong. Visit her website here. [Editor’s note: Lee Reid has recently reviewed books by Theresa Southam, Ralph Milton, Gordon Wallace, Stefanie Green, Alison Acheson, and Phyllis Dyson for The British Columbia Review.] In 2018, she contributed a popular memoir of growing up in the south of England and North Saanich, The Spider Hunters. Lee is honoured to receive the Nelson 2024 ‘Citizen of the Year’ Award.
*
The British Columbia Review
Interim Editors, 2023-26: Trevor Marc Hughes (non-fiction), Brett Josef Grubisic (fiction)
Publisher: Richard Mackie
Formerly The Ormsby Review, The British Columbia Review is an on-line book review and journal service for BC writers and readers. The Advisory Board now consists of Jean Barman, Wade Davis, Robin Fisher, Barry Gough, Hugh Johnston, Kathy Mezei, Patricia Roy, and Graeme Wynn. Provincial Government Patron (since September 2018): Creative BC. Honorary Patron: Yosef Wosk. Scholarly Patron: SFU Graduate Liberal Studies. The British Columbia Review was founded in 2016 by Richard Mackie and Alan Twigg.
“Only connect.” – E.M. Forster