‘Body hurting and mind numb’

Most Grievous Fault
by Meg Todd

Madeira Park: Nightwood Editions, 2025
$24.95 / 9780889714984

Reviewed by Bill Paul

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Vancouver Island author Meg Todd writes about characters on the margins of society. In her first novel, Most Grievous Fault, she describes the tumultuous relationship between Crystal Constantine, a twenty-nine year-old single mother with a drinking problem, and her daughter, Becky, who may have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. The novel explores the themes of guilt, secrecy, family violence, and trauma. Becky is a fourteen year-old girl who follows the teachings of Jesus. She craves the attention of her mother and wishes to meet her biological father. Her mother, however, is a damaged person. A lost soul. Is she capable of caring for her daughter?

Life is a struggle for Crystal. Her relationship with her daughter is similar to the abusive relationship she had with her alcoholic mother. In other words, there’s lots of arguing, hitting, and name-calling between Crystal and her daughter. Crystal’s approach to life now is simple: the less her daughter knows about her past, the better. So Crystal invents a fictitious past for the both of them. The strategy is necessary because of Crystal’s state of degradation and shame; she’s “a mess and what else could she do?” She’s a victim of intergenerational violence that started when she was young and growing up in a trailer in rural BC, the daughter of working class parents, Milly and Len.

For years, Crystal endured periods of violence and cruelty from her mother. At age 15 she became involved in an abusive sexual relationship with a young man named Travis and was soon pregnant with Becky. Called a “stupid little whore” by Milly, she was told to “get the hell out” and left for the streets of Vancouver (think the Downtown Eastside). 

Crystal and her daughter were rescued from the streets by Jean, a devout Christian working for an Anglican church; and over the years Crystal and Jean have developed a close bond. Eventually, the church teamed up with Social Services to provide support and guidance for Crystal and her daughter. Throughout the novel Crystal is drawn to the street but feels obligated to stay connected to the church (Becky’s future). 

As an adult, Crystal works at a low-paying job and she and Becky reside in a “walk up with tawny brown paint that was peeling.” In the hallways are “the smell of curries or fry-ups, the fusty scents of neglect and yesterday’s alcohol.” Becky’s having trouble fitting in at public school, so Jean enrols her in the True Catholic Academy, a local religious high school.

Crystal and Becky’s history is full of stops and starts. Todd does a good job of setting a scene and piecing together Crystal’s haphazard life story. How Crystal survived on the streets of the Downtown Eastside. How memories of when she was young continue to torment her. How she fights to have her voice heard at meetings with officers from the church and Social Services.

The title of the novel comes from the Book of Common Prayer. In the novel the prayer refers to Crystal’s efforts to take responsibility for her failings as a mother. But Crystal lacks the caring instinct, and for all of her adulthood she’s been under the supervision of Social Services. The author makes a point of showing the imbalance of power that exists between Crystal and Social Services. Each home visit she has with Social Services is a test on whether or not Crystal is meeting her daughter’s needs. Questions are raised about Crystal’s parenting abilities and Becky’s safety. Because of her poverty and lack of education, Crystal is limited in the choices she can make.

Alcohol—“the lull of drink”—helps Crystal cope with the stress of paying the bills and caring for her daughter. Crystal is plagued by violent flashbacks and an overall sensation of her “body hurting and mind numb.” She replays memories of abuse and sexual assault: “Bruises on the side of her neck, the insides of her legs. His hunting knife with the bone handle.” On any given day, Crystal’s thoughts go around in circles. She disassociates. Her mind goes to places only known to herself. With the exception of Jean, Crystal is mistrustful of others. For own sense of security, she prefers to keep her traumatic past a secret.

Todd structures the novel as series of dramatic stages in Crystal’s life—a long winding path that tests her character. It starts with her rescue from the streets of Vancouver and ends with Crystal taking some small steps to look after herself. Early in the novel, she meets Tim, an ill-tempered Christian who believes in goodness and sin. His dream is to marry her. Then there’s Sara, her best friend from work, who knows that Crystal is having a hard time making ends meet and suggests she take on a side hustle working as a call girl in the sex industry. A different perspective is offered by Elspeth, a woman who also has a daughter at Becky’s school. Elspeth tells Crystal that Becky is a special girl who desperately needs her mother’s affection.

Most Grievous Fault is an unsettling story about victimization and forgiveness. A story about a person trying to rebuild their life one relationship at a time. Todd (Exit Strategies) is an observant, sympathetic writer who describes in detail Crystal’s doubts and fears and her uphill battle to become a better person. There are times, however, when Todd’s writing is heavy-handed and overly descriptive and Crystal’s story takes on a confusing stream-of-consciousness quality. Todd’s strength is when her writing is more restrained and understated. For example, here’s Todd describing Crystal standing by herself on her balcony one evening and looking out at the rain:

This is what she craved. This feeling. This softness. It was the reason she drank. Her body disappearing. The past gone. The future a beautiful dream. The present, the now, the here, a haze that didn’t affect her. Crystal and the dark, friends now. A siren sounded. A dog barked. Voices carried but no words made it to her ears. The rumble of a truck. Everything washed over her, through her, and she stood there on the balcony for a long time and then she went inside, her eyes already closing as she sank into the couch and felt the world disappear.

East Vancouverite Bill Paul enjoys photography and reading fiction and nonfiction. [Editor’s note: Bill has reviewed books by Clea Young, Iona Whishaw, Stephen Osborne, Corinna Chong, Gurjinder Basran, Caroline Adderson, William Deverell, Deryn Collier, Jann Everard, Jack Lowe-Carbell, Martin West, Dietrich Kalteis, Suzannah Showler, Curtis LeBlanc, Patrick deWitt, Barbara Fradkin, Dietrich Kalteis, Stan Rogal, Keath Fraser, and John Farrow for BCR, and contributed a photo-essay, “Trevor Martin’s Vancouver.”]

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The British Columbia Review

Interim Editors: Trevor Marc Hughes (non-fiction), Brett Josef Grubisic (fiction)
Publisher: Richard Mackie

Formerly The Ormsby Review, The British Columbia Review is an on-line book review and journal service for BC writers and readers. The Advisory Board now consists of Jean Barman, Wade Davis, Robin Fisher, Barry Gough, Hugh Johnston, Kathy Mezei, Patricia Roy, and Graeme Wynn. Provincial Government Patron (since September 2018): Creative BC. Honorary Patron: Yosef Wosk. Scholarly Patron: SFU Graduate Liberal Studies. The British Columbia Review was founded in 2016 by Richard Mackie and Alan Twigg.

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